Running on Empty

Would you like to know the day you will die? It’s a tricky thought exercise. What if you find out you’ll die at a ripe old age? That sure would make retirement investing and travel plans easier. But what if the news was grim? That you’ll die within the year – before you’ve had the chance to meet that special someone or take that dream vacation? What then? Do you live your life to its fullest or mope and fret over what’s left? What’s a man like Mortimer the mortician to do? 

“Running on Empty” (not to be confused with the far superior Sidney Lumet film or the catchy Jackson Browne song of the same name) begins with that playful premise yet quickly falls apart with repeated jokes and bits that grow stiff with each unfunny use, dead-eyed performances that looks like even the cast knew this movie was D.O.A., dialogue so mind-numbingly dull, it would have been painful to overhear in a coffee shop, let alone for almost 90 minutes. There’s almost nothing to savor from this movie past its initial premise, and, like a funeral that drags on in the summer heat, takes far too long to get to its inevitable conclusion. 

Mortimer (Keir Gilchrist) is a mortician (sorry, funeral director) following in the family business in the San Fernando Valley with his slightly creepy uncle Barry (Jim Gaffigan). After Mort buys a house with his conventionally hot fiancée Nicole (Francesca Eastwood), the pair visit a clinic to find out their death date. The good news for Nicole is she’s expected to live many more decades. The bad news for Mort is that he’s going to die within the year. Nicole dumps him, setting him on a wayward quest to figure out how to make the best of his remaining time on Earth. Along the way, he meets the sympathetic Kate (Lucy Hale) and a nightmarish pimp named Simon (Rhys Coiro), who frequently returns to shakedown Mort for more money. 

Written and directed by Daniel André, “Running on Empty” delivers little enjoyment for a romantic comedy. The premise is the most charming aspect of the movie, but as Mort’s misadventures start to stack up, like rounds of painfully awkward speed dating with LA’s worst bachelorettes and repeated tiresome visits from Simon, the charm wears off as Mort’s precious time on earth drips away like sweat in the heat. André must find humor in the tedium of bad experiences because he buries his character under the weight of one bad night after another. While “Running on Empty” may hold some hints of Martin Scorsese’s “After Hours,” it lacks the energy and ingenuity to make Mort’s race against time and death feel urgent or even poignant in any significant way. 

As Mort, Gilchrist seems rather unmoved by his character’s predicament. Even in his most passionate or frustrated moments, his line deliveries feel flat, like a pulse that barely registers. I can’t tell if the main character is supposed to be played this off-key flat for a laugh or if it was so underwritten Gilchrist gave up on injecting any life into the role. But he looked bored, and I, in turn, felt bored. 

By design, Nicole is also a relatively shallow character, but Kate is written like a Ramona Flowers tribute, minus any kind of self-reflection or emotional backstory. However, Hale at least tries to add some levity to the story, a feat not even Gaffigan’s Barry or Jay Pharoah (as Mort’s co-worker Sid) can pull off. She’s lively and effervescent in a movie where most of the cast looks like they’re sleepwalking. It’s not enough to save the movie or its dialogue, but it’s some sign of life. 

Unfortunately, “Running on Empty” is one of those failed comedies that never quite achieve liftoff. Between the lackluster performances, dead-end jokes, gross humor, unremarkable visual style, and bon mots like “Simon says…,” I could feel my own mortality slipping away. With little to offer for its screen time, “Running on Empty” lives up to its title. 

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